Safi! Ninaweza kusema Kiswahili sasa. Sijui kwa nini, lakini ninaelewa sana. Ninafikiri kwamba nikifanya mazoezi, nitasema vizuri sana lini ninakwenda nyumbani. Leo ninafikiri labda nitakwenda Amsterdam kabla ya nitarudi Merikani. Kwa sababu, rafiki yango ataondoka baadaye 25 Mai. Sijui nikitaka kukaa hapa au kwenda nyumbani...hm...Hivyo, ninafanya kazi sana na ninastarehe na Arusha. !!! Lakini sisubiri kucheza dansi! Woohoo! Ninapenda Arusha lankini nitafurahi nyumbani.
Upendo Sana,
Sarah
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Let the Whirlwind Begin
So much work. But before I get to that...
For those of you that don't know, Frankie Manning, the original Lindy Hopper, passed away yesterday at age 94. It is a great loss and truly marks a new era in Lindy Hop. I am so grateful that I got to be around him while he was alive (although I wish I hadn't let my being intimidated stop me from knowing him well or dancing with him). http://web.mac.com/stubbsrcs/Blog_3/Aug_08-July_09/Entries/2009/3/31_Arcadia_University_%26_Making_Drums.html
There was a 95th birthday event for him being planned in May, and I am pretty sure it's still happening (you should all go...it's in New York...www.frankie95.com) Although I can't go, I will there in spirit!
It is an interesting experience being so absent from anyone who knows what Frankie means for tens of thousands of people all over the world, and not having lindy hopped in somewhere around...95 days. I'm actually really glad that I had a sort of forced fast from lindy hop, as I am pretty sure my new awareness of how important it is to me will mean that I dance 3 million% harder when I get home.
Right now though, mo' work. Like really...I'm stressin'. It actually isn't anything compared to Goucher, but there are a few added stresses on top of it:
1. I'm in Africa. Please. Homework?!
2. I'm in Africa. Just thinking about the internet makes my whole body twitch.
3. Dad comes next week, and I just want to hang out with him. I'm teaching two lindy hop workshops on top of everything and it's the most work I have had yet.
4. My first big internship assignment is this week and it's so scary!
5. Thesis proposal. Arg.
Otherwise, I'm back to having a good time and I love Tanzania. I'm also ready to go home. I don't think that would be the case if I knew that I were staying for another year or something, but I guess I'm kind of feel like things are winding down and I'm ready to be out. I've spent most of my money, sufficiently ruined most of my clothes (such a pain in the a**, actually), and exhausted myself on most fronts. I'd say my work is done.
I don't know if I ever mentioned finishing the drum that I (painstakingly)(agonizingly)(joyfully) slaved away on and spilled much blood over (literally). Well, I finished it a few weeks ago and, not to toot my own horn, but it's pretty much the sweetest drum to grace this planet. It doesn't have a name yet but I'm thinking either 'busara' which means wisdom, 'kujituma' which means self-drive, or maybe something that means agony (not really, but it was only fun for the first few hours). We'll see. One of my professors posted pictures on his blog:
http://web.mac.com/stubbsrcs/Blog_3/Aug_08-July_09/Entries/2009/3/31_Arcadia_University_%26_Making_Drums.html
We moved our closing ceremony up a week, so it looks like I'll just be chillin' around Tanzania for the last week. I might try to do some kind of travel either here or in Europe...we will see. I'm so close to being done. And then I get to dance...ahhh I can't wait to dance!
Sarah
For those of you that don't know, Frankie Manning, the original Lindy Hopper, passed away yesterday at age 94. It is a great loss and truly marks a new era in Lindy Hop. I am so grateful that I got to be around him while he was alive (although I wish I hadn't let my being intimidated stop me from knowing him well or dancing with him). http://web.mac.com/stubbsrcs/Blog_3/Aug_08-July_09/Entries/2009/3/31_Arcadia_University_%26_Making_Drums.html
There was a 95th birthday event for him being planned in May, and I am pretty sure it's still happening (you should all go...it's in New York...www.frankie95.com) Although I can't go, I will there in spirit!
It is an interesting experience being so absent from anyone who knows what Frankie means for tens of thousands of people all over the world, and not having lindy hopped in somewhere around...95 days. I'm actually really glad that I had a sort of forced fast from lindy hop, as I am pretty sure my new awareness of how important it is to me will mean that I dance 3 million% harder when I get home.
Right now though, mo' work. Like really...I'm stressin'. It actually isn't anything compared to Goucher, but there are a few added stresses on top of it:
1. I'm in Africa. Please. Homework?!
2. I'm in Africa. Just thinking about the internet makes my whole body twitch.
3. Dad comes next week, and I just want to hang out with him. I'm teaching two lindy hop workshops on top of everything and it's the most work I have had yet.
4. My first big internship assignment is this week and it's so scary!
5. Thesis proposal. Arg.
Otherwise, I'm back to having a good time and I love Tanzania. I'm also ready to go home. I don't think that would be the case if I knew that I were staying for another year or something, but I guess I'm kind of feel like things are winding down and I'm ready to be out. I've spent most of my money, sufficiently ruined most of my clothes (such a pain in the a**, actually), and exhausted myself on most fronts. I'd say my work is done.
I don't know if I ever mentioned finishing the drum that I (painstakingly)(agonizingly)(joyfully) slaved away on and spilled much blood over (literally). Well, I finished it a few weeks ago and, not to toot my own horn, but it's pretty much the sweetest drum to grace this planet. It doesn't have a name yet but I'm thinking either 'busara' which means wisdom, 'kujituma' which means self-drive, or maybe something that means agony (not really, but it was only fun for the first few hours). We'll see. One of my professors posted pictures on his blog:
http://web.mac.com/stubbsrcs/Blog_3/Aug_08-July_09/Entries/2009/3/31_Arcadia_University_%26_Making_Drums.html
We moved our closing ceremony up a week, so it looks like I'll just be chillin' around Tanzania for the last week. I might try to do some kind of travel either here or in Europe...we will see. I'm so close to being done. And then I get to dance...ahhh I can't wait to dance!
Sarah
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Five Weeks Left
It looks like getting to the point where we need mediators with Martha may have been worth it just to get such sweet mediators. Josh and I would know them anyway, as one of them is our internship boss and the other also works for the African Foundation for International Law and the ICTR. We met with them yesterday to talk about the ICTR and it was so awesome! Josh and I also got our first major assignment yesterday. Up until now we were just going through all the Peace and Security Council decisions from 2004 to 2006 and creating an index by country. This week, though, we are starting real stuff. Basically, I was assigned Angola and Josh was assigned Sierra Leone. Decisions were made about each country in 2004 and we are going to write a summary of the conflict and interests of parties involved up until that decision. Then we review the decision in relation to the interests of the parties.
I’m a little terrified because these are for the journal that gets published every year. Because this internship is actually intended for graduate students, it’s possible that Roland will decide we aren’t actually very good at it and assign us something else. If it works out, though, Josh will be writing for every decision pertaining to West and South Africa and I will do every decision pertaining to East Africa and the Great Lakes Region. That is sweet because it will help me with my thesis, is exactly what I’m interested in, and will be fairly impressive when I am applying to grad school and have a bunch of published law reviews. Also scary, though, because if it does get to the point where my work gets published, I will be under public scrutiny of people who actually know what they are talking about.
After the meeting yesterday I went to Emusoi to teach the girls some more dances. I’m a little bit uncomfortable with my role there because even though it’s really fun to teach them soul line dances and charleston, I wouldn’t say that it is necessarily beneficial to them. They have fun and get physical activity, but they are already awesome dancers. I want to do more facilitating discussions about peace and gender roles, but it’s so hard because my Swahili is so bad. And I am pretty sure they are putting pictures of me on the website, which is kind of weird. I am uncomfortable with the paternalistic attitudes of volunteers that come here to “help teach the Africans” and I wonder what it looks like to both the girls and the people looking at the web site. Yesterday was fun, though, and I think they are at least enjoying it.
Dad comes to visit in a week and a half! I’m really excited to have him here and show him around. It will be good for all of us to have a Dad here I think. And then there are only three weeks left. Crazy!
I’m a little terrified because these are for the journal that gets published every year. Because this internship is actually intended for graduate students, it’s possible that Roland will decide we aren’t actually very good at it and assign us something else. If it works out, though, Josh will be writing for every decision pertaining to West and South Africa and I will do every decision pertaining to East Africa and the Great Lakes Region. That is sweet because it will help me with my thesis, is exactly what I’m interested in, and will be fairly impressive when I am applying to grad school and have a bunch of published law reviews. Also scary, though, because if it does get to the point where my work gets published, I will be under public scrutiny of people who actually know what they are talking about.
After the meeting yesterday I went to Emusoi to teach the girls some more dances. I’m a little bit uncomfortable with my role there because even though it’s really fun to teach them soul line dances and charleston, I wouldn’t say that it is necessarily beneficial to them. They have fun and get physical activity, but they are already awesome dancers. I want to do more facilitating discussions about peace and gender roles, but it’s so hard because my Swahili is so bad. And I am pretty sure they are putting pictures of me on the website, which is kind of weird. I am uncomfortable with the paternalistic attitudes of volunteers that come here to “help teach the Africans” and I wonder what it looks like to both the girls and the people looking at the web site. Yesterday was fun, though, and I think they are at least enjoying it.
Dad comes to visit in a week and a half! I’m really excited to have him here and show him around. It will be good for all of us to have a Dad here I think. And then there are only three weeks left. Crazy!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Pushin' on Through
I am in this very weird place of conflicting emotions. First, I am trying to move on from the events of this past week, but I know that is what is bothering me. We haven’t seen Martha yet because she has been away on a trip. Things are getting better, but I know that a lot of people, or rather I think a lot of people (like Martha, the woman from Arcadia, and whoever else heard their versions of the story), have a bad impression of us as a group. It’s frustrating because on one hand I am really pissed at how we were treated on a couple of occasions. On the other hand, I do think that the other people on the program can be rude sometimes (I’m sure I can too, but I at least have control over that). So even though I don’t necessarily want to apologize for the way I acted, I also have inadvertently been associated with the entire group. And as much as I love them, there is a general tendency to act just a bit entitled without recognizing it.
Even though I am nervous about the entire semester being tainted by the past few weeks, I also think that all this is probably what I am supposed to be learning. Sometimes, you can’t help who you are associated with, and sometimes you can. You can never control what someone else thinks of you, which is really, really hard for me to accept. Knowing that there are people out there who might in the slightest bit not like me or think that I am a spoiled American (even if I am) is really hard. So, I’m just caught between a lot of groups that I both like and disagree with. Most of all, I’m pretty homesick. I don’t want to leave Tanzania because I love it, but I also really, really want to be home.
On a good note, this morning we took a trip to the UN International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda (ICTR). I’m really glad we got to do that, and hopefully I will go back and watch trials a lot. Basically, it is a UN international court that was set up for the Rwandan genocide and the Arusha International Convention Center hosts it. My school is a little house behind the convention center, so I am in there a lot to get lunch or just kind of hang around. This morning we went and watched some court proceedings, then watched a movie about the ICTR, and then the spokesperson (very important I think) gave us a talk.
The trial that we got to see part of is actually a pretty famous one. Pauline Nyiramasuhuko was the Minister of Family and Women Affairs in Rwanda. She supposedly organized the rape of thousands or women. Rape, if done during war against a population, is now considered a crime against humanity and (I think) genocide. Nyiramasuhuko is the first woman to be charged with crimes against humanity for rape. Her son is also being charged. I only watched for about two hours, and most of it was in French, but it was an experience. There are a lot of problems with the ICTR (like only Hutu are put on trial and they are moving so slowly that it would take something like 200 years to convict everyone at this pace), but it is changing a lot of things in international law. Not that wikipedia is credible: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauline_Nyiramasuhuko
Dad comes in just a little more than one week! Perfect timing I would say.
Things I am worried about that will hopefully become obsolete once I get them out in writing:
-People back home who are having a hard time
-Not being good enough at Swahili
-My senior thesis proposal that’s really hard and not done yet even though it should be (this is a biggy)
-Not taking advantage of being here
-Martha or anyone else having been hurt or thinking I am a bad person
-Being a bad person
-Not meditating enough and therefore worrying too much
-Not having visited my host family again
-Being associated with rude Americans
-Gaining so much weight because I don’t get any exercise and I only eat carbs
-Letting the fact that I might be gaining weight make me vain while I should be grateful for being in Africa and not worrying about how much I weigh
-Friends who worry about what they weigh
-Wanting to go home
-Not wanting to leave
-Dad moving out of our house
-3 pending papers, internship, thesis, volunteering, not doing enough, doing too much
-Feeling like the oldest of the group by 800 years and being a little fed up with it
-The fact that I hardly ever really worry and now I can’t stop worrying even though I designated plenty of time to make sure I pay attention to my worries and let them pass, so something must be wrong with me
-My worries making me worry more and getting in the way of experiencing Africa because I am walking around under a cloud of worry
-No one wanting to read my blog because it turned dark and angsty
I’m probably just going insane because I haven’t danced in approximately 85 days. That’s a whole lot of days and I’m not likin’ it one bit. The weekend is ahead, though, and things are looking up!
Even though I am nervous about the entire semester being tainted by the past few weeks, I also think that all this is probably what I am supposed to be learning. Sometimes, you can’t help who you are associated with, and sometimes you can. You can never control what someone else thinks of you, which is really, really hard for me to accept. Knowing that there are people out there who might in the slightest bit not like me or think that I am a spoiled American (even if I am) is really hard. So, I’m just caught between a lot of groups that I both like and disagree with. Most of all, I’m pretty homesick. I don’t want to leave Tanzania because I love it, but I also really, really want to be home.
On a good note, this morning we took a trip to the UN International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda (ICTR). I’m really glad we got to do that, and hopefully I will go back and watch trials a lot. Basically, it is a UN international court that was set up for the Rwandan genocide and the Arusha International Convention Center hosts it. My school is a little house behind the convention center, so I am in there a lot to get lunch or just kind of hang around. This morning we went and watched some court proceedings, then watched a movie about the ICTR, and then the spokesperson (very important I think) gave us a talk.
The trial that we got to see part of is actually a pretty famous one. Pauline Nyiramasuhuko was the Minister of Family and Women Affairs in Rwanda. She supposedly organized the rape of thousands or women. Rape, if done during war against a population, is now considered a crime against humanity and (I think) genocide. Nyiramasuhuko is the first woman to be charged with crimes against humanity for rape. Her son is also being charged. I only watched for about two hours, and most of it was in French, but it was an experience. There are a lot of problems with the ICTR (like only Hutu are put on trial and they are moving so slowly that it would take something like 200 years to convict everyone at this pace), but it is changing a lot of things in international law. Not that wikipedia is credible: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauline_Nyiramasuhuko
Dad comes in just a little more than one week! Perfect timing I would say.
Things I am worried about that will hopefully become obsolete once I get them out in writing:
-People back home who are having a hard time
-Not being good enough at Swahili
-My senior thesis proposal that’s really hard and not done yet even though it should be (this is a biggy)
-Not taking advantage of being here
-Martha or anyone else having been hurt or thinking I am a bad person
-Being a bad person
-Not meditating enough and therefore worrying too much
-Not having visited my host family again
-Being associated with rude Americans
-Gaining so much weight because I don’t get any exercise and I only eat carbs
-Letting the fact that I might be gaining weight make me vain while I should be grateful for being in Africa and not worrying about how much I weigh
-Friends who worry about what they weigh
-Wanting to go home
-Not wanting to leave
-Dad moving out of our house
-3 pending papers, internship, thesis, volunteering, not doing enough, doing too much
-Feeling like the oldest of the group by 800 years and being a little fed up with it
-The fact that I hardly ever really worry and now I can’t stop worrying even though I designated plenty of time to make sure I pay attention to my worries and let them pass, so something must be wrong with me
-My worries making me worry more and getting in the way of experiencing Africa because I am walking around under a cloud of worry
-No one wanting to read my blog because it turned dark and angsty
I’m probably just going insane because I haven’t danced in approximately 85 days. That’s a whole lot of days and I’m not likin’ it one bit. The weekend is ahead, though, and things are looking up!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thoughts in Between
I feel like I’m running out of time here. Of course, that is all in my head. I have two weeks until Dad comes to visit for a week. Then I only have three weeks left. Then Alec graduates. Then we have a big party where I cook everyone Ugali (yes, you're invited). Then it is my last summer as I have known them to be for the past 15 years. One more year of college. The time between now and when I was 12 is the same amount of time between now and when I will be 30. And I’m not fluent in Swahili.
I can’t believe I’m in Tanzania. Sometimes when I am walking around the city alone I try to focus on really being here. I so easily get in the mode of looking straight ahead and trying not to attract more attention than I already do that I sometimes just see the streets as a transit point that I am trying to make it through, not be in. In the beginning I learned so much because I felt so ‘other’ in some ways and such solidarity in others. Now I hardly think about it and I don’t know if it’s because I am used to it or because I have been in my own little world.
Everything that happened last week really shook me up. For the record, the woman (I won’t say her name even though I realized I did in a way earlier post) from Arcadia is following up and helping us (we are having a mediator come in and help us and Martha…that will be interesting). It may be because she was going to anyway, or it may be because a certain father called the president of a certain school and got s*** done (thanks Dad). Either way, I’m trying not to define what happened or what I think about all of it because I want to leave space for me to discover new things about it as I’m mulling over it in the future.
I feel really grateful for a lot of stuff, but especially for having come here this particular semester. Last semester was really hard in a lot of ways, and so was this one, but I learned things that I probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise. I was kind of lecturing Melendy the other day about her desire to take care of people. She feels bad for not being home while her family and her boyfriend are having a hard time. I have thought a lot about that this year while half my friends were gone last semester and half of us are gone this semester (plus I’m away from my family). Of course, as soon as I lectured her about it I started worrying about people at home and really wishing I could be there for them. What could I really do, though? I think it probably has more to do with a desire to feel needed than truly thinking I can help anyone.
I love it here, but I really can’t wait to get home. It’s not that I want to leave - in fact now that I am here I think 4 months is a really short amount of time to live somewhere. Still, though, it will be good to be home and be with the people that I really, really miss. And I can’t wait to dance. And I miss my guitar so much. Oh, and Jewish people – new found appreciation. Alec and Beth’s sense of humor. Mine and Abby’s designated complaining time. Dan’s bro talk. Becca’s horribly offensive metaphors. Purple rain. Surfing. Fish tacos even though I’m going to be a vegetarian again when I get home. Being outside at night. Driving stick. Manual labor. Cynthia Terry. The kids I babysitt. I’m so privileged…
It has definitely been good to establish myself as a person without everything that usually defines me at home. No one here likes me because I’m good at swing dancing or because I have a pool or because I listen to such-and-such band. I’m the oldest, and at home I am usually the baby of groups. I don’t have much of a choice about what clothes I wear because the ones I brought are all falling apart. I don’t have much makeup. I can’t walk around with my ipod and my phone doesn’t have a varied selection of Sam Cooke ring tones. We don’t have spontaneous dance parties. There are no underwear parties. I didn’t really even have much of a choice in who my friends are. Not that those things were ever what I considered to be me, but I definitely play different roles here than I did at home.
It will be weird to go home and see when I fall into normal patterns and when I don’t. I am definitely going to be really, really different this summer than I was last summer. I call french-fries chips and I expect cars to drive on the left. I have opinions and I voice them. I’m cool with moments being fleeting.
I can’t believe I’m in Tanzania. Sometimes when I am walking around the city alone I try to focus on really being here. I so easily get in the mode of looking straight ahead and trying not to attract more attention than I already do that I sometimes just see the streets as a transit point that I am trying to make it through, not be in. In the beginning I learned so much because I felt so ‘other’ in some ways and such solidarity in others. Now I hardly think about it and I don’t know if it’s because I am used to it or because I have been in my own little world.
Everything that happened last week really shook me up. For the record, the woman (I won’t say her name even though I realized I did in a way earlier post) from Arcadia is following up and helping us (we are having a mediator come in and help us and Martha…that will be interesting). It may be because she was going to anyway, or it may be because a certain father called the president of a certain school and got s*** done (thanks Dad). Either way, I’m trying not to define what happened or what I think about all of it because I want to leave space for me to discover new things about it as I’m mulling over it in the future.
I feel really grateful for a lot of stuff, but especially for having come here this particular semester. Last semester was really hard in a lot of ways, and so was this one, but I learned things that I probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise. I was kind of lecturing Melendy the other day about her desire to take care of people. She feels bad for not being home while her family and her boyfriend are having a hard time. I have thought a lot about that this year while half my friends were gone last semester and half of us are gone this semester (plus I’m away from my family). Of course, as soon as I lectured her about it I started worrying about people at home and really wishing I could be there for them. What could I really do, though? I think it probably has more to do with a desire to feel needed than truly thinking I can help anyone.
I love it here, but I really can’t wait to get home. It’s not that I want to leave - in fact now that I am here I think 4 months is a really short amount of time to live somewhere. Still, though, it will be good to be home and be with the people that I really, really miss. And I can’t wait to dance. And I miss my guitar so much. Oh, and Jewish people – new found appreciation. Alec and Beth’s sense of humor. Mine and Abby’s designated complaining time. Dan’s bro talk. Becca’s horribly offensive metaphors. Purple rain. Surfing. Fish tacos even though I’m going to be a vegetarian again when I get home. Being outside at night. Driving stick. Manual labor. Cynthia Terry. The kids I babysitt. I’m so privileged…
It has definitely been good to establish myself as a person without everything that usually defines me at home. No one here likes me because I’m good at swing dancing or because I have a pool or because I listen to such-and-such band. I’m the oldest, and at home I am usually the baby of groups. I don’t have much of a choice about what clothes I wear because the ones I brought are all falling apart. I don’t have much makeup. I can’t walk around with my ipod and my phone doesn’t have a varied selection of Sam Cooke ring tones. We don’t have spontaneous dance parties. There are no underwear parties. I didn’t really even have much of a choice in who my friends are. Not that those things were ever what I considered to be me, but I definitely play different roles here than I did at home.
It will be weird to go home and see when I fall into normal patterns and when I don’t. I am definitely going to be really, really different this summer than I was last summer. I call french-fries chips and I expect cars to drive on the left. I have opinions and I voice them. I’m cool with moments being fleeting.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
AFGO (look it up)
This post is a little harsh. If you are going to read it, please read the whole thing and try to recognize that I am one perspective in the situation. I am simply trying to make sense of my experience and I recognize other people involved have experienced it in other ways.
We met with the vice president of Arcadia and the head of CEA (whose name I won’t mention because this is a public blog – not that you can’t figure it out) today and, at the risk of sounding dramatic, it was pretty bad. Definitely the one “cultural experience” that I have had since I got here that I really wish I hadn’t.
I’ll start at the beginning (or kind of). Yesterday we asked her if we could have a meeting with her in private. Martha was not in the room and it was in no way rude. She got flustered, stand-off-ish, and rudely ran out saying she would see us at the dinner tonight. We tried not to be discouraged because she was right, we would see her at the dinner. At the dinner we didn’t get a chance alone with her and at the end we jumped on the opportunity of being around her and asked her again, insistently, for a meeting. It was uncomfortable because Martha was in the room (I don’t know if she heard), but we have been in a lot of situations where we conveniently don’t get a chance to talk to other resources alone. So, we weren’t very tactful but we felt we had no other choice. We also felt like we had a right to meet with her alone.
Today we met with her. We started off the meeting (I did) saying how grateful we were for the experience of coming to Tanzania and some nice stuff. I segued with something like, “That being said, there have been some issues that you may or may not have heard about…but the main issue is that we don’t feel we have any resource available to us that we can go to.” She jumped right in with something like, “Oh I know why we are here.” She said that she knew about the letter. You three have seen the letter, and one woman at Arcadia has seen the letter. I am pretty sure that everyone was instructed to keep it to them selves, and I think (we are checking) that everyone did. So she must have been mistaken or simply trying to discredit us.
After I gave that little introduction she told us that we had embarrassed ourselves, her, and ALL OF AMERICA by how we had acted last night after dinner. Now, we may have appeared to not have tact, but we did not embarrass ourselves, especially considering how Martha has acted towards others and us in the past. This woman had decided who we were (young American kids who don’t want to accept that we can’t have everything handed to us), and what the problem was (cultural differences and suffering from “group think” – no joke…and she looked at me as if I were the ring leader when she told us that) before she came into the meeting.
There are some issues she might resolve, which is good (they are primarily academic, although we also need some American money to renew our visas). Really, though, she was patronizing and rude. She talked for a really long time about how hard it must be to be in one of the “poorest countries in the world” and not feel like we can do anything about it. That isn’t the issue at all. Yes, we have had those experiences come up, but we don’t expect people from Arcadia to talk to us about that. Honestly, I feel like the fact that she refuses to see Martha as anything but wonderful is really patronizing towards Martha. Ok, I’m going to try and stop talking about her like this.
Possibly the most offensive part of the meeting was when we were talking about the photography class needing another camera (doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is because they were told they didn’t need to bring their cameras). She asked how much it would be, took out $100 from her purse, pushed it towards us and said, “There, that should go a long way…that’s my contribution to the program.” And she acts like we represent America badly! She literally threw money at the situation. We made it clear that we just don’t have any way to get a camera on our own and that we didn’t want the money. Throwing money at us was offensive both coming from someone who is an authority figure (it was almost like she was buying us off), and coming from an American accusing us of not understanding Tanzania while wearing a skirt suite that was, in my oppinion, too tight and short for a largely Muslim, conservative city.
Now, of course we have had problems dealing with the culture here. Of course it isn’t Arcadia’s job to baby us. I am 100% confident, though, in my ability to adapt and my persistent attempts to uncover my own cultural biases. What is happening here is not because I – or anyone on this program – is having “cultural” problems. We all love Arusha and recognize when we are struggling because things are different. The problems here are with the fact that we have paid thousands of dollars (not even that…just the fact that we are students trying to work with Arcadia) and don’t even have someone who pretends to listen to us.
I could go on and on, but I’m not going to. I feel embarrassed and guilty because it got turned back around on us and some of it really hit the spot (I mean, I am a young idealistic American). I just don’t like the fact that she managed to turn Martha into a victim because Martha is just as much of an intelligent adult as she is. I’m happy, though, because I have heard so many other Peace Studies majors that graduated complain about not having ever been shown how to deal with people in the “real world.” I’m lucky enough to experience and learn to work with the difficult side of people – and America - while I am here. I feel like I have tried my best to transform the situation and now I’m just going to work with Martha as best I can and make the most of things.
I’m really nervous that we could have done something differently or that the problems really are all ours. I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t really matter, though, because we didn’t manage to get her to see beyond what she had already decided about us before we got there (and we wouldn’t have been able to no matter how right or wring we were). Of course, I could be way off base on that, but that’s the way it appeared. I feel a little better knowing that the one professor that pointed out our age and American-ness the most is also the one that is most vocal about how he isn’t going to work for the program again (because of the way it’s run). It’s a shame for future students, but at least it gives me a little confidence that I’m not crazy.
I just received an email from the woman we met with as I was writing this. She is following up on some of the issues, and that is good, although I don’t think it excuses the meeting yesterday.
I feel weird posting all of this online, but I’m trying to be honest about the experience I am having here and I think that this particular moment is one that will be largely influential in how I approach situations in the future. I don’t know how yet, but it will.
All the Best,
Sarah
We met with the vice president of Arcadia and the head of CEA (whose name I won’t mention because this is a public blog – not that you can’t figure it out) today and, at the risk of sounding dramatic, it was pretty bad. Definitely the one “cultural experience” that I have had since I got here that I really wish I hadn’t.
I’ll start at the beginning (or kind of). Yesterday we asked her if we could have a meeting with her in private. Martha was not in the room and it was in no way rude. She got flustered, stand-off-ish, and rudely ran out saying she would see us at the dinner tonight. We tried not to be discouraged because she was right, we would see her at the dinner. At the dinner we didn’t get a chance alone with her and at the end we jumped on the opportunity of being around her and asked her again, insistently, for a meeting. It was uncomfortable because Martha was in the room (I don’t know if she heard), but we have been in a lot of situations where we conveniently don’t get a chance to talk to other resources alone. So, we weren’t very tactful but we felt we had no other choice. We also felt like we had a right to meet with her alone.
Today we met with her. We started off the meeting (I did) saying how grateful we were for the experience of coming to Tanzania and some nice stuff. I segued with something like, “That being said, there have been some issues that you may or may not have heard about…but the main issue is that we don’t feel we have any resource available to us that we can go to.” She jumped right in with something like, “Oh I know why we are here.” She said that she knew about the letter. You three have seen the letter, and one woman at Arcadia has seen the letter. I am pretty sure that everyone was instructed to keep it to them selves, and I think (we are checking) that everyone did. So she must have been mistaken or simply trying to discredit us.
After I gave that little introduction she told us that we had embarrassed ourselves, her, and ALL OF AMERICA by how we had acted last night after dinner. Now, we may have appeared to not have tact, but we did not embarrass ourselves, especially considering how Martha has acted towards others and us in the past. This woman had decided who we were (young American kids who don’t want to accept that we can’t have everything handed to us), and what the problem was (cultural differences and suffering from “group think” – no joke…and she looked at me as if I were the ring leader when she told us that) before she came into the meeting.
There are some issues she might resolve, which is good (they are primarily academic, although we also need some American money to renew our visas). Really, though, she was patronizing and rude. She talked for a really long time about how hard it must be to be in one of the “poorest countries in the world” and not feel like we can do anything about it. That isn’t the issue at all. Yes, we have had those experiences come up, but we don’t expect people from Arcadia to talk to us about that. Honestly, I feel like the fact that she refuses to see Martha as anything but wonderful is really patronizing towards Martha. Ok, I’m going to try and stop talking about her like this.
Possibly the most offensive part of the meeting was when we were talking about the photography class needing another camera (doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is because they were told they didn’t need to bring their cameras). She asked how much it would be, took out $100 from her purse, pushed it towards us and said, “There, that should go a long way…that’s my contribution to the program.” And she acts like we represent America badly! She literally threw money at the situation. We made it clear that we just don’t have any way to get a camera on our own and that we didn’t want the money. Throwing money at us was offensive both coming from someone who is an authority figure (it was almost like she was buying us off), and coming from an American accusing us of not understanding Tanzania while wearing a skirt suite that was, in my oppinion, too tight and short for a largely Muslim, conservative city.
Now, of course we have had problems dealing with the culture here. Of course it isn’t Arcadia’s job to baby us. I am 100% confident, though, in my ability to adapt and my persistent attempts to uncover my own cultural biases. What is happening here is not because I – or anyone on this program – is having “cultural” problems. We all love Arusha and recognize when we are struggling because things are different. The problems here are with the fact that we have paid thousands of dollars (not even that…just the fact that we are students trying to work with Arcadia) and don’t even have someone who pretends to listen to us.
I could go on and on, but I’m not going to. I feel embarrassed and guilty because it got turned back around on us and some of it really hit the spot (I mean, I am a young idealistic American). I just don’t like the fact that she managed to turn Martha into a victim because Martha is just as much of an intelligent adult as she is. I’m happy, though, because I have heard so many other Peace Studies majors that graduated complain about not having ever been shown how to deal with people in the “real world.” I’m lucky enough to experience and learn to work with the difficult side of people – and America - while I am here. I feel like I have tried my best to transform the situation and now I’m just going to work with Martha as best I can and make the most of things.
I’m really nervous that we could have done something differently or that the problems really are all ours. I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t really matter, though, because we didn’t manage to get her to see beyond what she had already decided about us before we got there (and we wouldn’t have been able to no matter how right or wring we were). Of course, I could be way off base on that, but that’s the way it appeared. I feel a little better knowing that the one professor that pointed out our age and American-ness the most is also the one that is most vocal about how he isn’t going to work for the program again (because of the way it’s run). It’s a shame for future students, but at least it gives me a little confidence that I’m not crazy.
I just received an email from the woman we met with as I was writing this. She is following up on some of the issues, and that is good, although I don’t think it excuses the meeting yesterday.
I feel weird posting all of this online, but I’m trying to be honest about the experience I am having here and I think that this particular moment is one that will be largely influential in how I approach situations in the future. I don’t know how yet, but it will.
All the Best,
Sarah
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Just and Little Rough Patch!
Oh wow. The past week and a half has been a blur. I think that as soon as I let go of my denial about Martha and the program I unleashed a sea of uneasiness and have perpetually felt as though I just woke up from a deep nap to find fifty huge papers due tomorrow. That sounds horrible, but I'm ok. A lot of good things have happened, but most of the past week was dedicated to painstakingly writing a letter to Arcadia laying out our issues and requesting (politely demanding) that they send someone from the US here right now. I wrote a draft and then the 8 of us sat down for an hours-long groups editing process. It was stressful and also amazing that we managed to do it. I was just about to send the letter - literally typing in the email addresses - when we found out (coincidentally) that the Vice President of Arcadia (who is also the head of the study abroad department) was arriving into Tanzania the next day.
She got here last night and I just met her an hour ago. We are having a dinner with her, Martha, and our professors tonight. The woman seems completely unaware of the fact that this program is far from wonderful. I asked her if we could have a meeting with her privately and she seemed to be caught totally off-guard (why you would need a guard against students asking that you do your job, I don't know...sorry, I may be totally wrong on that...but my point is if she was caught off guard she shouldn't need a guard :D ). She tried to figure out why we needed a meeting and we made it clear that we had specific things we need to talk about. She basically said, "Well, I will see you all at dinner," and ran out. I'm not going to lie and say I'm ok with that (in fact part of me is about to run to her hotel and throw-down), but I'm trying to stay optimistic. Plus we are going to insist. Anyway, this has been draining most of every one's energy and we have been sleeping a lot, getting sick, taking out our anger on each other, and talking about going home. But it's all going to be ok! I think this was just a rough week that will soon end.
On another depressing note, Melendy's grandmother died yesterday. I think she is having a really hard time not being able to help her family. Kaliya's dad works for Northwest and is going to try and find a way to fly her back for the funeral, but we don't know if that will happen. Her grandmother was in her 90s, but it is still tough and poor timing.
Surprisingly, I think we are all ok. There is hope that Nicolette (the Arcadia lady) will help us, and if she doesn't then at least we did all we could do (aside from telling the truth to Goucher when I get home - which I fully intend to do). Josh and I met with Roland (our internship advisor) today, and it's so exciting! I'm reading a book and writing a review for the African Foundation for International Law's yearbook, we are organizing and publishing all the AU and UN decisions in Africa, and I am going to be compiling everything that has happened in DRC and writing an analysis. We are essentially joining the team of people who publish this yearbook: http://www.brill.nl/default.aspx?partid=210&pid=33557 He is also just a cool guy in general and is probably going to have us over for dinner.
Today I am going to Emusoi and teaching the girls a soul line dance to a Sam Cooke song. It's kind of random, but I think it will be fun. I have extraordinary amounts of work to do with school, internship, and my thesis, but I'm kind of happy about it.
Anyway, sorry this was all about me. You are all missed.
Love,
Sarah
She got here last night and I just met her an hour ago. We are having a dinner with her, Martha, and our professors tonight. The woman seems completely unaware of the fact that this program is far from wonderful. I asked her if we could have a meeting with her privately and she seemed to be caught totally off-guard (why you would need a guard against students asking that you do your job, I don't know...sorry, I may be totally wrong on that...but my point is if she was caught off guard she shouldn't need a guard :D ). She tried to figure out why we needed a meeting and we made it clear that we had specific things we need to talk about. She basically said, "Well, I will see you all at dinner," and ran out. I'm not going to lie and say I'm ok with that (in fact part of me is about to run to her hotel and throw-down), but I'm trying to stay optimistic. Plus we are going to insist. Anyway, this has been draining most of every one's energy and we have been sleeping a lot, getting sick, taking out our anger on each other, and talking about going home. But it's all going to be ok! I think this was just a rough week that will soon end.
On another depressing note, Melendy's grandmother died yesterday. I think she is having a really hard time not being able to help her family. Kaliya's dad works for Northwest and is going to try and find a way to fly her back for the funeral, but we don't know if that will happen. Her grandmother was in her 90s, but it is still tough and poor timing.
Surprisingly, I think we are all ok. There is hope that Nicolette (the Arcadia lady) will help us, and if she doesn't then at least we did all we could do (aside from telling the truth to Goucher when I get home - which I fully intend to do). Josh and I met with Roland (our internship advisor) today, and it's so exciting! I'm reading a book and writing a review for the African Foundation for International Law's yearbook, we are organizing and publishing all the AU and UN decisions in Africa, and I am going to be compiling everything that has happened in DRC and writing an analysis. We are essentially joining the team of people who publish this yearbook: http://www.brill.nl/default.aspx?partid=210&pid=33557 He is also just a cool guy in general and is probably going to have us over for dinner.
Today I am going to Emusoi and teaching the girls a soul line dance to a Sam Cooke song. It's kind of random, but I think it will be fun. I have extraordinary amounts of work to do with school, internship, and my thesis, but I'm kind of happy about it.
Anyway, sorry this was all about me. You are all missed.
Love,
Sarah
Saturday, April 11, 2009
51 days and (patiently and happily) counting
Today I met with my Peace and Conflict professor to talk about my senior thesis. Before getting to the coffee shop I tactfully brought up the problems we are having with the program. His response was less concerned with tact and included the word "incompetent" more than once. Apparently he was supposed to teach during the summer program and ended up turning them down after dealing with a certain someone during the course of my class. It's a shame because he is hands-down the best professor we have had, but it also makes me feel like I'm not crazy and imagining the problems. He also said we can include his email in the letter we send to Arcadia and he will talk to them. I don't like feeling like we are staging a coup, but I'm looking forward to (hopefully) something changing. We are also learning a lot...maybe Arcadia intentionally put 8 strong-willed people who have to be together 24/7 in a random country with only one resource who is really difficult to work with. It's like Real World: Tanzania, conflict resolution edition.
I'm doing my thesis on the role of outsiders in the DRC conflict. I'm SO happy that my professor is helping because even though I have done a lot of research in the past, I have never written a proposal for a 100-page paper. He is going to help me get in contact with scholars that I can hopefully invite to speak at Goucher. He also helped me think about what I want to do after college, which I unfortunately realized today is coming up pretty quickly. Peace Corps? Law school? UN volunteers? University for Peace in Costa Rica? At least make an attempt at making money?
On a less stressful note, there is one funny thing that happened last weekend when we were staying with families that I forgot to mention. Kaliya, who is mixed (and no one here seems to know what to make of her), was having a conversation with her host mom about African Americans. She explained that some can be really light skinned, and apparently as they were going to bed that night her host mom asked if I am African American! I'll leave it at that so that I don't sound too much like one of those girls who wishes they were black...except I'm not going to pretend that it didn't make my life complete. Also, it was hilarious.
Thursday night I went out to ViaVia thinking I would just stop by and ended up not getting home until 3:30 am. This wasn't because I was being crazy. Two of my friends went to the bathroom at one point and there was a British girl in there who was completely hammered. She introduced herself and started talking about how her friend had been raped earlier that day and how she was alone and stuff. Later I kind of eaves dropped on this conversation she was having with two guys who were trying to tell her she needed to find a way to get a friend to come and bring her home. I went and asked what was up and the guy told me she was drunk and that she shouldn't be alone. So we spent about half an hour trying to get her to come home with us. It was kind of scary because the guys brought over all sorts of girls who had frightening stories. One girl's friend had been raped, and another girl came over and had half of her head shaved because someone had jumped out the trees and hit her and her friend with a machete. Tash, the British girl, finally decided to come with us, except she wanted to go back to her house. At this point we didn't really know if she knew where that was, but we got in a cab and she ended up being able to tell the guy where it was. Of course, it was in the middle of the woods about 20 minutes away and the cab got stuck in the mud. I wasn't upset, though, because we managed to push it out and I would have been worried about the girl if we hadn't brought her home. It's pretty scary to find out how violent Arusha is at night, but it makes me really thankful for having so many people here so that I don't ever have to go anywhere alone at night (so don't worry about me).
I miss home a lot! Even though I'm having mostly a really good time, I know I'm going to be ready to go home when the time comes.
Some things that I know I won't die without but would rather never have to live without again:
-Lindy Hop
-Abby Becker
-Philosophy classes
-Sam Cooke
-My family
-Jews (that's a biggy...who would've thought?)
I'm doing my thesis on the role of outsiders in the DRC conflict. I'm SO happy that my professor is helping because even though I have done a lot of research in the past, I have never written a proposal for a 100-page paper. He is going to help me get in contact with scholars that I can hopefully invite to speak at Goucher. He also helped me think about what I want to do after college, which I unfortunately realized today is coming up pretty quickly. Peace Corps? Law school? UN volunteers? University for Peace in Costa Rica? At least make an attempt at making money?
On a less stressful note, there is one funny thing that happened last weekend when we were staying with families that I forgot to mention. Kaliya, who is mixed (and no one here seems to know what to make of her), was having a conversation with her host mom about African Americans. She explained that some can be really light skinned, and apparently as they were going to bed that night her host mom asked if I am African American! I'll leave it at that so that I don't sound too much like one of those girls who wishes they were black...except I'm not going to pretend that it didn't make my life complete. Also, it was hilarious.
Thursday night I went out to ViaVia thinking I would just stop by and ended up not getting home until 3:30 am. This wasn't because I was being crazy. Two of my friends went to the bathroom at one point and there was a British girl in there who was completely hammered. She introduced herself and started talking about how her friend had been raped earlier that day and how she was alone and stuff. Later I kind of eaves dropped on this conversation she was having with two guys who were trying to tell her she needed to find a way to get a friend to come and bring her home. I went and asked what was up and the guy told me she was drunk and that she shouldn't be alone. So we spent about half an hour trying to get her to come home with us. It was kind of scary because the guys brought over all sorts of girls who had frightening stories. One girl's friend had been raped, and another girl came over and had half of her head shaved because someone had jumped out the trees and hit her and her friend with a machete. Tash, the British girl, finally decided to come with us, except she wanted to go back to her house. At this point we didn't really know if she knew where that was, but we got in a cab and she ended up being able to tell the guy where it was. Of course, it was in the middle of the woods about 20 minutes away and the cab got stuck in the mud. I wasn't upset, though, because we managed to push it out and I would have been worried about the girl if we hadn't brought her home. It's pretty scary to find out how violent Arusha is at night, but it makes me really thankful for having so many people here so that I don't ever have to go anywhere alone at night (so don't worry about me).
I miss home a lot! Even though I'm having mostly a really good time, I know I'm going to be ready to go home when the time comes.
Some things that I know I won't die without but would rather never have to live without again:
-Lindy Hop
-Abby Becker
-Philosophy classes
-Sam Cooke
-My family
-Jews (that's a biggy...who would've thought?)
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Half Way Through(!)(!?)(...)
Oh, oh, oh, so many conflicting emotions. Here is a quick run-down of what is going on and I will follow with an elaboration:
-The weekend was simultaneously a great learning experience, partially fun, and upsetting on a couple different levels.
-This program pretty much sucks. I know I haven’t written about this much yet, but today was the last straw (is that the expression?).
-I have an awesome internship.
-I’m joining a choir.
-Volunteering might possibly be going really well.
The Weekend.
I don’t think I have processed it enough to fully elaborate, so I’m going to be brief and leave a lot out. There is a Lutheran choir that my music professor knows. They live about two kilometers from the center of town, and they are an amazing choir. We went to see them perform and then each of us went and stayed with one of the families for the weekend. Saturday we went on a hike to this amazing waterfall (that part was sweet), and Sunday we went to church (kind of sweet music-wise, but the only word I recognized through the whole thing was “konyagi” which made me feel a little guilty because that’s the cheap Tanzanian alcohol…we did get introduced to the whole congregation, though, and the Pastor apparently said it was a miracle that we addressed them in Swahili).
I stayed with a family that was really nice at first. The mother is in the choir and doesn’t speak English, but her 21-year-old daughter does. At first it was wonderful. I hadn’t been feeling well all week and I was sad about not being with my friends while we were all thinking about Dana, and this family welcomed me into their home. Tanzanian hospitality is incredible, and they honestly see it as a blessing to have a guest (I mean really, they like people to come to their house). At first, it was wonderful and I loved it. Then, though, it was like…I couldn’t say no to food because I didn’t want to be rude. No joke, I wish I knew how to make myself throw up. I had been sick and then I ate the most obscene amount of food that whole weekend. Very quickly it went from me feeling embraced to me feeling like I was a doll. I got walked 85 miles around Arusha meeting every single family member that they have, which was wonderful and totally normal here, except that it kind of turned into, “Come look at my white girl.” Juliet (the daughter) kept telling me to say stuff in Kiswahili (like, “Sarah sema poa! Sema poa!”) or telling her friends to say things so that I could respond. It was cute at first, but then I didn’t feel like a human being, I felt like entertainment. Plus, I’ve been here for two months and I know how to say hi in Swahili. There were a lot of things that I don’t feel like going into. And I feel guilty feeling this way because they invited me into their home and gave me so much of the little that they have.
Anyway, I know I sound a bit…I don’t know, like I’m not adapting or I’m ungrateful. Not the case. I am really thankful for them inviting me into their home, I just felt like there were a lot of dynamics going on that made me really uncomfortable and I completely fell apart when I got home. I learned a whole lot though, and for better or worse I have a family here now who wants me to come live with them (not kidding, Juliet spent SO long trying to convince me to come live with them). I learned so much about Arusha and the way people live and my new family’s life. But to all you people out there who do home stays for study abroad – nothing but respect from this girl.
This Program is Really Bad.
Alright, so I signed up for this program knowing that it is the first semester it is happening, so it is obviously going to be disorganized. Up until recently, I was ok with the fact that it is really disorganized, there is no communication between Martha (our program director) and the professors and us, Martha didn’t give us our syllabi or tell us to get our books before we came to Tanzania (so we have been making due without any books), almost none of the trips that they told us would happen have happened, they changed the end of the program and will only reimburse the people who leave Tanzania on exactly on June 1st for their flights (so people are stuck here either having to pay for a place to stay or change their flight and pay), and almost nothing changes when we request something to change. I was even ok when our program director at Arcadia got fired and we didn’t find out until we needed him and got a response that he was no longer there because no one told us. I was even ok when they restructured, fired Ethel (the one person that we felt like listened to us here), hired two new people in her place, and didn’t tell us about it until a week after they started working. Obviously we knew, but only because we figured it out.
I know that none of you have any background on what has been going on with which you can trust what I’m about to say, but I’m going to be honest. At the beginning of the program the other students didn’t (in my opinion) appropriately deal with their issues with the program. Some of the problems were cultural and some were real problems with the program. They emailed the administration too much, didn’t pick their battles, and were outright rude at times. Martha and the administration were alienated. Honestly, though, as much as I hate to say things that are mean, I do not think that Martha is doing a good job. I don’t feel like I can go to her with any of my problems. When I ask her anything she gets defensive, never just says, “I don’t know,” and tells us not to take the things she says, “Like the Bible.” I pride myself on my ability to talk to people and make requests respectfully without blame. In the beginning it worked (I compiled everyone’s requests, typed them up, and sat down with Martha to discuss them – and it worked at first). I honestly feel completely powerless, patronized, and uncomfortable at school. This has only happened in the past few days. We have a new guy working in Ethel’s place and all of us feel uncomfortable around him. Martha showed up at our hotel yesterday and asked me to tell everyone that the photography trip today would start at 10:30 (cutting out half of our Swahili class) and that they were going to a waterfall. I told her that I’m not in the class, not going on the excursion, don’t know anything about it, but would pass on the message. I passed it on and got questions like, “Why are we leaving at 10:30? Wait we are going to a waterfall? They said blah blah blah before.” I of course didn’t know the answers and when there was confusion today Martha insinuated that she did her job and I didn’t pass on the message well enough.
I feel immature placing blame on Martha. Honestly, though, we do not feel safe talking to her (not safe emotionally I mean – I don’t mean physically). I like my classes for the most part, I’m having fun here, I’m learning, but most of all this has been despite the Arcadia administration here and in the States, not because of them. Obviously Martha’s hands are tied on some things, but I honestly don’t care if nothing changes but the fact that I feel like if I say something someone listens. I’ve accepted that I have to make this the experience that I want it to be (I knew that before I came), but I just want Martha to pretend like she is listening to what we are saying and trying to change it. It doesn’t require actually doing anything other than using empathic listening skills. Just stop talking, nod your head, and rephrase what I say so that it seems like I understand. It’s not that hard. There are books on it.
Anyway, my intention is not to be snide. I’m just upset. We have a plan to write a formal letter to all sorts of people at Arcadia and get the study abroad offices at Goucher and other schools involved. The only thing that I can possibly think would help right now is for Arcadia to send someone from the States here PRONTO. I feel bad because it’s not like I want Martha to be out of a job (her daughter goes to Arcadia for free and I wouldn’t want to screw that up for her daughter); I just don’t foresee her doing it well enough that anything changes anytime soon.
Internship Madness
Josh brought me to meet our new internship boss today at the AICC. Before I talk about real stuff, let me just say that it is nothing but a shame that he is wearing a wedding ring. First of all, he is not bad on the eyes and wore a SLICK pin stripe suite. He is really nice, funny, smart, and as far as I can tell is a good guy with a lot of power. Also, he bought us lunch. Big points.
I think I explained before that he is basically trying to create a database both in the form of a book and a website with a compilation of legal and other procedures that have taken place in terms of conflict in Africa. He and the Foundation are also trying to create a network of African lawyers and scholars. Africa has a lot of them, but a lot of them study abroad and don’t come back. There is no network as of yet, and it isn’t like successful things don’t happen here, it’s just that not a lot gets recorded so it’s hard to learn from the past (in terms of conflicts and wars).
Josh and I are working on the beginning stages of that database and then we are going to focus on one or two specific conflicts and document everything that has been done. I’m going to do DRC because it will help me with my senior thesis (tomorrow I’m meeting with one of my professors here and he is going to help me to write my proposal). Also, there are a lot of books that Roland (our internship guy) needs to be reviewed. So we are going to review some of them and if our reviews are good then they will be published. I know that sounds like a lot, but this is an internship that I can have all this semester, the summer, and my entire life if I want. It sounds like I’m going to meet a lot of cool people and get a really good understanding of whether or not law is for me. Basically: sweetness.
I’m Joining a Choir
Makumira choir. Right now they are learning about African American music. That’s my jam so I’m pretty psyched.
Volunteering
Today I started my experimental peace building stuff and it was a success as far as I can tell. I played this game with them where a statement is read and if it is true for you, you stand up. Then you see how many people feel similarly (because they are the ones standing up) and then sit back down until the next statement is read. Now, I wrote the statements, my Kiswahili professor helped me translate, and then the girl that helped me by reading them had to explain a little. So I have no idea how close to what I originally wrote the statements they got were. It was interesting, though, and definitely a lot of them took it seriously. Almost every girl stood up at the statement, “I almost always feel uncomfortable around men.”
Then I had them divide up into groups and write on a piece of paper everything they thought of when they thought of ‘amani’ which means ‘peace’. I also had them do it with ‘not peace’ (bila amani) and they wrote everything up on the board.
Anyway, that was a lot. And I’m half way through! On one hand I feel like things are only starting to pick up, and on the other hand I can’t believe I have another two whole months before I get to go home. I love you all.
-The weekend was simultaneously a great learning experience, partially fun, and upsetting on a couple different levels.
-This program pretty much sucks. I know I haven’t written about this much yet, but today was the last straw (is that the expression?).
-I have an awesome internship.
-I’m joining a choir.
-Volunteering might possibly be going really well.
The Weekend.
I don’t think I have processed it enough to fully elaborate, so I’m going to be brief and leave a lot out. There is a Lutheran choir that my music professor knows. They live about two kilometers from the center of town, and they are an amazing choir. We went to see them perform and then each of us went and stayed with one of the families for the weekend. Saturday we went on a hike to this amazing waterfall (that part was sweet), and Sunday we went to church (kind of sweet music-wise, but the only word I recognized through the whole thing was “konyagi” which made me feel a little guilty because that’s the cheap Tanzanian alcohol…we did get introduced to the whole congregation, though, and the Pastor apparently said it was a miracle that we addressed them in Swahili).
I stayed with a family that was really nice at first. The mother is in the choir and doesn’t speak English, but her 21-year-old daughter does. At first it was wonderful. I hadn’t been feeling well all week and I was sad about not being with my friends while we were all thinking about Dana, and this family welcomed me into their home. Tanzanian hospitality is incredible, and they honestly see it as a blessing to have a guest (I mean really, they like people to come to their house). At first, it was wonderful and I loved it. Then, though, it was like…I couldn’t say no to food because I didn’t want to be rude. No joke, I wish I knew how to make myself throw up. I had been sick and then I ate the most obscene amount of food that whole weekend. Very quickly it went from me feeling embraced to me feeling like I was a doll. I got walked 85 miles around Arusha meeting every single family member that they have, which was wonderful and totally normal here, except that it kind of turned into, “Come look at my white girl.” Juliet (the daughter) kept telling me to say stuff in Kiswahili (like, “Sarah sema poa! Sema poa!”) or telling her friends to say things so that I could respond. It was cute at first, but then I didn’t feel like a human being, I felt like entertainment. Plus, I’ve been here for two months and I know how to say hi in Swahili. There were a lot of things that I don’t feel like going into. And I feel guilty feeling this way because they invited me into their home and gave me so much of the little that they have.
Anyway, I know I sound a bit…I don’t know, like I’m not adapting or I’m ungrateful. Not the case. I am really thankful for them inviting me into their home, I just felt like there were a lot of dynamics going on that made me really uncomfortable and I completely fell apart when I got home. I learned a whole lot though, and for better or worse I have a family here now who wants me to come live with them (not kidding, Juliet spent SO long trying to convince me to come live with them). I learned so much about Arusha and the way people live and my new family’s life. But to all you people out there who do home stays for study abroad – nothing but respect from this girl.
This Program is Really Bad.
Alright, so I signed up for this program knowing that it is the first semester it is happening, so it is obviously going to be disorganized. Up until recently, I was ok with the fact that it is really disorganized, there is no communication between Martha (our program director) and the professors and us, Martha didn’t give us our syllabi or tell us to get our books before we came to Tanzania (so we have been making due without any books), almost none of the trips that they told us would happen have happened, they changed the end of the program and will only reimburse the people who leave Tanzania on exactly on June 1st for their flights (so people are stuck here either having to pay for a place to stay or change their flight and pay), and almost nothing changes when we request something to change. I was even ok when our program director at Arcadia got fired and we didn’t find out until we needed him and got a response that he was no longer there because no one told us. I was even ok when they restructured, fired Ethel (the one person that we felt like listened to us here), hired two new people in her place, and didn’t tell us about it until a week after they started working. Obviously we knew, but only because we figured it out.
I know that none of you have any background on what has been going on with which you can trust what I’m about to say, but I’m going to be honest. At the beginning of the program the other students didn’t (in my opinion) appropriately deal with their issues with the program. Some of the problems were cultural and some were real problems with the program. They emailed the administration too much, didn’t pick their battles, and were outright rude at times. Martha and the administration were alienated. Honestly, though, as much as I hate to say things that are mean, I do not think that Martha is doing a good job. I don’t feel like I can go to her with any of my problems. When I ask her anything she gets defensive, never just says, “I don’t know,” and tells us not to take the things she says, “Like the Bible.” I pride myself on my ability to talk to people and make requests respectfully without blame. In the beginning it worked (I compiled everyone’s requests, typed them up, and sat down with Martha to discuss them – and it worked at first). I honestly feel completely powerless, patronized, and uncomfortable at school. This has only happened in the past few days. We have a new guy working in Ethel’s place and all of us feel uncomfortable around him. Martha showed up at our hotel yesterday and asked me to tell everyone that the photography trip today would start at 10:30 (cutting out half of our Swahili class) and that they were going to a waterfall. I told her that I’m not in the class, not going on the excursion, don’t know anything about it, but would pass on the message. I passed it on and got questions like, “Why are we leaving at 10:30? Wait we are going to a waterfall? They said blah blah blah before.” I of course didn’t know the answers and when there was confusion today Martha insinuated that she did her job and I didn’t pass on the message well enough.
I feel immature placing blame on Martha. Honestly, though, we do not feel safe talking to her (not safe emotionally I mean – I don’t mean physically). I like my classes for the most part, I’m having fun here, I’m learning, but most of all this has been despite the Arcadia administration here and in the States, not because of them. Obviously Martha’s hands are tied on some things, but I honestly don’t care if nothing changes but the fact that I feel like if I say something someone listens. I’ve accepted that I have to make this the experience that I want it to be (I knew that before I came), but I just want Martha to pretend like she is listening to what we are saying and trying to change it. It doesn’t require actually doing anything other than using empathic listening skills. Just stop talking, nod your head, and rephrase what I say so that it seems like I understand. It’s not that hard. There are books on it.
Anyway, my intention is not to be snide. I’m just upset. We have a plan to write a formal letter to all sorts of people at Arcadia and get the study abroad offices at Goucher and other schools involved. The only thing that I can possibly think would help right now is for Arcadia to send someone from the States here PRONTO. I feel bad because it’s not like I want Martha to be out of a job (her daughter goes to Arcadia for free and I wouldn’t want to screw that up for her daughter); I just don’t foresee her doing it well enough that anything changes anytime soon.
Internship Madness
Josh brought me to meet our new internship boss today at the AICC. Before I talk about real stuff, let me just say that it is nothing but a shame that he is wearing a wedding ring. First of all, he is not bad on the eyes and wore a SLICK pin stripe suite. He is really nice, funny, smart, and as far as I can tell is a good guy with a lot of power. Also, he bought us lunch. Big points.
I think I explained before that he is basically trying to create a database both in the form of a book and a website with a compilation of legal and other procedures that have taken place in terms of conflict in Africa. He and the Foundation are also trying to create a network of African lawyers and scholars. Africa has a lot of them, but a lot of them study abroad and don’t come back. There is no network as of yet, and it isn’t like successful things don’t happen here, it’s just that not a lot gets recorded so it’s hard to learn from the past (in terms of conflicts and wars).
Josh and I are working on the beginning stages of that database and then we are going to focus on one or two specific conflicts and document everything that has been done. I’m going to do DRC because it will help me with my senior thesis (tomorrow I’m meeting with one of my professors here and he is going to help me to write my proposal). Also, there are a lot of books that Roland (our internship guy) needs to be reviewed. So we are going to review some of them and if our reviews are good then they will be published. I know that sounds like a lot, but this is an internship that I can have all this semester, the summer, and my entire life if I want. It sounds like I’m going to meet a lot of cool people and get a really good understanding of whether or not law is for me. Basically: sweetness.
I’m Joining a Choir
Makumira choir. Right now they are learning about African American music. That’s my jam so I’m pretty psyched.
Volunteering
Today I started my experimental peace building stuff and it was a success as far as I can tell. I played this game with them where a statement is read and if it is true for you, you stand up. Then you see how many people feel similarly (because they are the ones standing up) and then sit back down until the next statement is read. Now, I wrote the statements, my Kiswahili professor helped me translate, and then the girl that helped me by reading them had to explain a little. So I have no idea how close to what I originally wrote the statements they got were. It was interesting, though, and definitely a lot of them took it seriously. Almost every girl stood up at the statement, “I almost always feel uncomfortable around men.”
Then I had them divide up into groups and write on a piece of paper everything they thought of when they thought of ‘amani’ which means ‘peace’. I also had them do it with ‘not peace’ (bila amani) and they wrote everything up on the board.
Anyway, that was a lot. And I’m half way through! On one hand I feel like things are only starting to pick up, and on the other hand I can’t believe I have another two whole months before I get to go home. I love you all.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Remembering Dana
As some of you may or may not know, two years ago today my friend Dana died after being hit by a car near our school. There aren’t enough words to say what all of us who knew her want to say. Dana taught me how to embrace the people I care about in all their wonderful and not wonderful-ness. She loved her family and friends in all their awkwardness and was completely beautiful, even with her ability to make disgusting faces.
Both Dana’s life and her death helped me learn what is important and what really isn’t important when it comes down to it. Today, please think of Dana and her family, along with those families that you know that have lost someone. Try to stay focused on who you really want to spend your time with, and embrace people for all that they are – not just the parts you like :) Most importantly, make a lot of jokes.
Both Dana’s life and her death helped me learn what is important and what really isn’t important when it comes down to it. Today, please think of Dana and her family, along with those families that you know that have lost someone. Try to stay focused on who you really want to spend your time with, and embrace people for all that they are – not just the parts you like :) Most importantly, make a lot of jokes.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Sorry, I Don’t Speak Drum…
I discovered a few more life callings this week. Can you have more than one life calling? I’m pretty sure I have about 8. The first that I discovered was drum making. We made drums in music class. They didn’t mention to us that if we don’t make the whole thing in one day the cowhide dries. So on Monday we started them and when we got back on Tuesday morning we found that Mwalimu Kijugo (mwalimu is teacher and Kijugo is his name) had taken them all apart to re-soak the hide. So Tuesday we worked for about 5 hours. In the beginning I was really into it, and by the end I had numerous blisters and a make-shift finger cast from when I tried to use a knife to get fancy on my drum and instead got fancy on my finger. My drum is awwweeessoommmeeeee. I didn’t actually kill or skin the cow, and I didn’t carve the tree trunk, but I threaded in all the stringed hide and stretched it out. It’s so hard!
At one point I asked our other professor, Stubbs, at what point we would know to stop stretching the hide. His response was, “Well, Mwalimu Kijugo said that the drum will speak to you and tell you when it’s ready.” That’s a fairly typical answer here I would say. Melendy’s response was, “Well, I don’t speak drum so it’s going to have to tell Kijugo and he can let me know.”
I went into Emusoi (the Maasai girls school) again yesterday and it was really fun. I have developed a plan for what I’m going to do with them. Kate, the woman who organizes volunteers, asked if I could teach them line dances. I said yes, but of course the only line dances I know are soul line dances. So the first thing I’m going to do is introduce them to my much neglected friends Sam Cooke and the Jackson 5, teach them some line dances, and throw in some soul train action.
In a more serious manner I am figuring out how to do what I did in Baltimore last year with kids in the city. It’s called HIPP (help increase the peace), and it’s a bunch of activities that get kids to think about different issues and deal with them nonviolently as a group. Now, there are a few obstacles. First, there are about 80 of them and one of me. Second, my Swahili is lacking lately and most of them don’t speak English (some don’t even speak Swahili, they speak Kimaa). Third, I have virtually no idea what their lives are like and how they view some of the things we will be talking about. I see these as minor details, though. A lot of the girls will be going to secondary school with kids from all over the place. I don’t know how much emotional and psychological preparation they have for entering a totally foreign environment, so I think it’s important to at least have some designated time to think about stuff (like fear, loneliness, where they feel safe, etc.).
Something else that’s awesome happened yesterday. Josh (one of the guys on my program and my new best friend) got internships for us at the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda. How great is that?! We won’t actually be working with the ICTR, but the guy we are working for is a lawyer there. He works for (or runs maybe) the African Foundation for International Law. He is developing a research internship for the graduate program here, but since there are no graduate students right now, we are doing it instead. The project we are working on is called “Programme of Support and Assistance for the Peaceful Resolution of Internal and International Conflicts in Africa.” As I understand it we are essentially building a database of records of all sorts of legal decisions, case law, and history of conflicts. Kind of like conflict mapping along with a giant annotated bibliography (shout out to my human rights class from last semester – Seble isn’t insane! Annotated bibliographies are really important!). It seems like kind of perfect timing for me because I both love doing that stuff and am considering law school, so this will be a good introduction.
Last night we went to this place called Njiro Complex. It’s pretty much like a weird mini Californian mall thrown in the middle of Arusha. I don’t like it much, but it’s a good escape sometimes. Some of my friends wanted to see Benjamin Button, but Sara, Kaliya, and I wanted to do homework so we went to the really cool hookah café. We had ice coffee (huge luxury) and hookah and just as we sat down to do homework our friend Ali who lives down the street and his friend Will came in and were like, “Yeeaahhhh let’s drinnkkkk, close your computers!” I was a little annoyed because they tried to peer pressure me into not doing my work. It stayed strong, though, and worked for a while (I can’t say the same for Sara and Kaliya :D ). Afterwards I went and hung out with them and a bunch of us ended up going to ViaVia and staying out too late, but it was fun.
Today I’m finishing my law paper and starting my internship work before we go to the Maasai village for the weekend. I know, tough life. I’m pretty homesick, though, so I hope everyone is doing well!
Love,
Sarah
At one point I asked our other professor, Stubbs, at what point we would know to stop stretching the hide. His response was, “Well, Mwalimu Kijugo said that the drum will speak to you and tell you when it’s ready.” That’s a fairly typical answer here I would say. Melendy’s response was, “Well, I don’t speak drum so it’s going to have to tell Kijugo and he can let me know.”
I went into Emusoi (the Maasai girls school) again yesterday and it was really fun. I have developed a plan for what I’m going to do with them. Kate, the woman who organizes volunteers, asked if I could teach them line dances. I said yes, but of course the only line dances I know are soul line dances. So the first thing I’m going to do is introduce them to my much neglected friends Sam Cooke and the Jackson 5, teach them some line dances, and throw in some soul train action.
In a more serious manner I am figuring out how to do what I did in Baltimore last year with kids in the city. It’s called HIPP (help increase the peace), and it’s a bunch of activities that get kids to think about different issues and deal with them nonviolently as a group. Now, there are a few obstacles. First, there are about 80 of them and one of me. Second, my Swahili is lacking lately and most of them don’t speak English (some don’t even speak Swahili, they speak Kimaa). Third, I have virtually no idea what their lives are like and how they view some of the things we will be talking about. I see these as minor details, though. A lot of the girls will be going to secondary school with kids from all over the place. I don’t know how much emotional and psychological preparation they have for entering a totally foreign environment, so I think it’s important to at least have some designated time to think about stuff (like fear, loneliness, where they feel safe, etc.).
Something else that’s awesome happened yesterday. Josh (one of the guys on my program and my new best friend) got internships for us at the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda. How great is that?! We won’t actually be working with the ICTR, but the guy we are working for is a lawyer there. He works for (or runs maybe) the African Foundation for International Law. He is developing a research internship for the graduate program here, but since there are no graduate students right now, we are doing it instead. The project we are working on is called “Programme of Support and Assistance for the Peaceful Resolution of Internal and International Conflicts in Africa.” As I understand it we are essentially building a database of records of all sorts of legal decisions, case law, and history of conflicts. Kind of like conflict mapping along with a giant annotated bibliography (shout out to my human rights class from last semester – Seble isn’t insane! Annotated bibliographies are really important!). It seems like kind of perfect timing for me because I both love doing that stuff and am considering law school, so this will be a good introduction.
Last night we went to this place called Njiro Complex. It’s pretty much like a weird mini Californian mall thrown in the middle of Arusha. I don’t like it much, but it’s a good escape sometimes. Some of my friends wanted to see Benjamin Button, but Sara, Kaliya, and I wanted to do homework so we went to the really cool hookah café. We had ice coffee (huge luxury) and hookah and just as we sat down to do homework our friend Ali who lives down the street and his friend Will came in and were like, “Yeeaahhhh let’s drinnkkkk, close your computers!” I was a little annoyed because they tried to peer pressure me into not doing my work. It stayed strong, though, and worked for a while (I can’t say the same for Sara and Kaliya :D ). Afterwards I went and hung out with them and a bunch of us ended up going to ViaVia and staying out too late, but it was fun.
Today I’m finishing my law paper and starting my internship work before we go to the Maasai village for the weekend. I know, tough life. I’m pretty homesick, though, so I hope everyone is doing well!
Love,
Sarah
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