One Month In

Last night Sara, Kaliya, Josh, Trevor, and I went to ViaVia because Josh’s friend John said that there was a really good reggae band playing. We didn’t realize that there were performances before the band started, and all of a sudden they were setting up these big drums and these dancers came out. They were from Zanzibar and did traditional dancing (I don’t know what tribe they are from). It was absolutely amazing. The drumming and the dancing was some of the best I’ve seen since I got here. Then when they were finished, these hip-hop songs came on and this crazy break dancing started happening. Apparently they are a group from here that performs sometimes. They all did individual stuff and then they had this routine, and it was hands down the best break dancing I’ve ever seen. And all of this happened before the band we went to see even started!
So my last post was a bit of a rant, and I may have changed my mind a little since then. Basically I just think that urbanization without industrialization leads to dependency. Some micro-lending can be good, but some of it is brought from outsiders and can lead to further dependency.
I started my Peace and Conflict class this week, and it’s amazing. It only lasts two weeks, which is a bummer, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts. It’s weird, though, because although a bunch of the information is new for me, it is also very much like taking Elham’s Intro to Peace Studies class all over again. I have already come to a lot of conclusions that the professor is trying to lead us to, so I can see where the conversations are going, but most of the other students in the class can’t. So they get all worked up and offended and it’s so interesting to watch! Like honestly, as harsh as this sounds, I didn’t come here under any delusion that I am going to (or need to) “save the Africans”. Africa has been here for a long time, and it’s patronizing to act like as a 21-year-old college student I know what’s better for them than they do. But I think a lot of people think that way and don’t realize how dangerous it can be. I’m in these classes to educate myself, figure out the role I play in all of it, and proceed accordingly. I’m not saying I don’t want to do anything about everything that goes on here. But part of learning is sitting with the frustration of seeing that I have so much solely because of the fact that I was coincidentally born a white girl in the US while most of the world has so much less, and I can’t fix it all just by hopping on a plane to Africa. It’s hard watching other kids come to similar conclusions (because they are painful conclusions to come to) and recognizing that it’s not my job to try and push them through it, however patronizing some of the remarks are. Now, that all sounds somewhat nihilistic, but I think it’s the opposite. Once you stop viewing things dualistically (me verses the other, me going in and helping the poor people) and recognize that we all play a part in the world we live in, I think you start to view peace building (or whatever it is you are doing) in a much more constructive way – as a partnership.
I’m also struggling with how I feel a little older than most of my classmates (I’m actually the oldest). That feels weird to say because I don’t like to judge people by age, and I think they are all really great and intelligent. Of course all of us have our areas where we are more mature and our areas where we are less mature, I just get a little frustrated sometimes.
I don’t think everyone is having as good of a time as me, and although there are definitely things about this program that need to improve, I think that around 60%-75% of an experience is what you make of it. Barring some horrible thing happening, I think that if you are making a good time for yourself you will have a good time, and if you are trying to find things to complain about, you are going to find them. I’m not trying to discount how any of my friends feel, but I think that’s where my frustration comes from when I feel older. At the same time, though, it’s really hard for me to accept that other people are unhappy without me trying to fix it, and that’s the area in which I am trying to grow up a little.
In other news, I found the organization I am going to volunteer for! I met a girl named Katie at church last week. She works at a school that I decided to check out, and so I went after classes a couple days ago. Getting there was an adventure because I took the Dala-Dala by myself for the first time. I did that on purpose because I figure I need to learn to be comfortable, the only thing is that I only had a vague idea of how to get there and it’s outside the city about 20-30 minutes. So straight away I got on the wrong one and ended up in a part of the city that I had never seen and felt a little bit less comfortable in than usual (and by a little I mean a little more than a little). No one seemed to have any idea where the place I needed to get to was, until this one guy was like, “I know the area, I will take you.”
I had this kind of “do I go or don’t I go, is this guy going to take me somewhere and kill me” moment, but I decided I could always bail if it seemed sketch. So we got off the dala-dala and he found another one. They put me in the front and didn’t charge me! That is unheard of! Usually the mzungu price is double. It ended up working out and they took me all the way there where I met Katie.
The school is for Maasai girls who have failed their entry exams into secondary school. The Maasai are a tribe that primarily lives in Northern Tanzania. Girls tend to be married off very young (around 14), so most of the girls have gotten to the school despite their father’s not agreeing with it. It’s a year-long program that prepares them for secondary school and then sponsors them through school. It’s run by a nun and there are two teachers, two heads of the dorms (matrons), and 84 girls. I’ll be doing recreation with them (sports and stuff), and then in April when Katie leaves I’m going to take over her class for four or five girls that are learning to read and do math.
So things are going well here, and it’s been more than a month! I have passing moments of, “Ok, this was nice, time to go home,” but they are fleeting. I definitely really miss everyone, and I especially miss my friends. It’s weird how being in a totally new environment means that you don’t have any familiar way of existing. At school I live with Abby and Kenny and I feel most myself with them (and they get my jokes). But sometimes you relate to one person one way and another person another way, and when you only know like 10 people there are parts of yourself that aren’t brought out very often. I’m sure it’s a good thing to experience, but I kind of miss myself. Anyway, thanks for reading!
All the Best,
Sarah
PS, I made a “Homesickness” playlist today, and everyone should listen to Bob Dylan’s “My Back Pages” because it’s amazing.