Hakuna Shida

Ethel, one of our coordinators and friends, asked us today if Tanzania is proving to be what we expected it to be. I couldn’t really say that I had any expectations of what it would be, even though that seems ridiculous. If I did have expectations I wasn’t attached to them. What I realized, though, is that even if I didn’t have expectations about Arusha, I definitely had expectations about how I would be in Arusha, and it’s interesting how some of them are true and some of them are completely not true.
I have only cried once or twice. I expected to find the amount time that I will be here much more daunting than I do. I know I am not the same person that I was just a year ago because when I feel myself worrying about something that I can’t do anything about (like the fact that I am here for four months…not that I would want to change that) I can easily talk myself down by focusing on the moment and getting some perspective.
My classes and things are making me realize that I am not nearly as liberal or idealistic as I thought/other people think/other people have caused me to think. I’m actually pretty conservative and realistic about a lot of things (not that I think conservative and realistic go together in some kind of opposition to liberal and unrealistic, but that is the way a lot of people think). I know that sounds ridiculous, but for a long time I have thought of myself as kind of naïve and unknowledgeable about things that I learn in school (like economics, poverty, politics, etc.). I’m realizing I can back up my opinions, and create opinions, without my professors. And they are actually my opinions!
Also, there are things that America has done really well! Of course I knew that, but there are some things that you just can’t appreciate until you actually notice them. And you don’t notice them until they aren’t there anymore. There are also things about Tanzania that I think are pretty messed up, and not just stuff that was caused by outsiders, but stuff that was here before any colonizers came and started screwing with things. I was so wrapped up in being culturally sensitive that I hadn’t thought about how there would be things that I think are just straight up wrong (like the way women are treated). Of course there are a lot of things here that are incredible that the “West” could benefit from, but just like any culture there are also things that are pretty oppressive that I think the side-affects of globalization are actually improving (like certain human rights issues).
A lot of the beliefs I had before coming here have been confirmed further. And it’s weird to me that even though I am getting a lot of different perspectives than I’ve gotten before, some of them make me change my opinions, and some of them just remind me of why I think certain things. My gender class, for instance, has turned me into a total women’s rights freak. At the same time, though, I still have a lot of issues with micro-lending and the ways that a lot of organizations have been trying to “empower” women. No one seems to question it, even here.
I’m struggling with the way that I can see globalization and the corporations that lead it infiltrating society here. I know that not everyone (or maybe even anyone) who is reading this agrees with my political opinions, but it’s fairly unavoidable to talk about what I’m experiencing here without talking about that. The way I see it, there are more than 113 tribes in Tanzania. The vast majority of them live in rural areas and have their own laws, customs, and boundaries (the actual country boundaries were imposed by colonizers with very little regard for the groups that were already here). Slowly, though, as markets are being globalized and cities are being industrialized, the farmers and others are being driven out of business by foreign corporations. They are forced to move to the cities and find jobs (which there aren’t enough of).
Now, that sounds slightly one-sided, but please let me go on. There is this kind of dialectic going on in my head about all of this, because on one side, a lot of the technology that could be brought to rural areas would really help them to not be at the mercy of the weather (of course, I won’t even go into the ecological reprocussions of that) or health problems. And the knowledge of history and what goes on outside of certain tribes can be really valuable in trying to reconcile particular tribal customs and human rights. But these changes are not being brought here out of the goodness of the market economy’s heart - they are being brought here for profit. The good things are side effects.
Take micro-lending for instance. You give a woman a loan to start a business and she pays you back six months later, assuming she actually made money. And in theory the idea is that eventually the woman will make enough money to have choices. This is where we are ignoring so much, though. What was this woman doing before she started competing for profit? For a woman to be free, she needs to be empowered to choose what to participate in out of free will, not out of necessity (meaning that if a woman from an agricultural community that has been impoverished because they have been driven out of business by foreign or domestic corporations gets a micro-loan, it isn’t necessarily a real choice, it is the option she has…to really help her we would look at the reason she is impoverished in the first place).
In certain tribes wealth is not measured with material goods, whereas in a capitalist economy that is all it is measured with. We cannot automatically assume that the natural next-step for countries like Tanzania is development because developing some of the societies here would mean completely ignoring the systems of value that are already set up. Even referring to Tanzania as an “undeveloped” or “developing” country is assuming that the goal is development. No one should have to live without food, water, health, education, etc., but not everyone wants to live in a society where everything is turned into a commodity and wealth is only measured by material accumulation and consumption either. Is freedom having the choice between innumerable material luxuries, or the ability to choose what kind of society you want to participate in? Micro-lending does not deal with the roots of poverty, it assimilates people into our markets. So who is it really benefiting? If we really want to deal with poverty, we need to look at the roots of the problem and listen to the human beings that live here.
People label me as idealistic or unrealistic because I disagree with capitalism, but what’s idealistic is thinking that a system whose entire foundation is unsustainable growth and consumption will lead the world out of poverty. I recognize that I haven’t proposed a solution, but when I figure it out I’ll let you know. I could go on a lot more, but I’ll change the subject. Please don’t hold me to any of these opinions, I just thought I would give you a glimpse of the fleeting dilemmas that pass through my head while I’m here.
Today Tammy (the woman we met at my dance class) and her family brought us to their church. It’s at a hotel restaurant (outdoors under this giant peaked thatch roof) and is a kind of non-denominational Christian visitor’s church. Most of the people that go there are volunteers, missionaries, or expatriates. It’s funny to me because, at the risk of revealing one of my personal prejudices, I will say that those are the exact people I wanted nothing to do with before coming here. I still wouldn’t want to come to Tanzania and spend all my time with people who aren’t Tanzanian, but I am opening up a little and realizing that not all missionaries are here to impose anything and that not all volunteers are patronizing. Of course I knew that before, but I definitely was fairly judgmental.
I am apprehensive to describe how I felt during the service because I am trying to let the plurality of the seemingly contradictory feelings I have exist all at once. On one hand, I’m a Jew. On the other hand, I am slowly beginning to practice Buddhism. So here I was at this Christian church in Tanzania feeling like I was dancing the line towards Fight Club, buffet style religion. I felt totally comfortable in my own beliefs and the fact that I just want a community of people to sing with and focus on something greater than me. A lot of it was familiar to me because I grew up around it. At the same time, there are a lot of things about certain churches (and other places, but this was a church) that I don’t necessarily agree with, and sometimes I think taking what you want and leaving the rest can be a little…disrespectful? Maybe not disrespectful, but I don’t want to be someone who uses parts of religions just to justify the beliefs I already have and then ignore the rest. The service was almost entirely musical, though, which I was totally into. So I was simultaneously right at home and so awkward about being in a doubly foreign environment. All the people were really nice, though, and I made some friends.
The philosophical conversations that go on inside my head here are insane. On one hand I feel so at home and on the other I’m so confused. My professor was telling us that the punishment for theft here is usually death, and not death by the police, death by mob violence. For instance if someone grabbed my purse and I yelled, “Thief,” in Swahili, it would be highly likely that a bunch of people would come and either beat the person to death or put a tire around them and light them on fire (I think that’s what he said). It’s happened twice at the market behind my professor’s house in the past two years. Like, WHAT?! Sometimes I forget that my entire structure for understanding things filters all the information I get and if I don’t keep check on it then I have a totally skewed perspective of where I am. I occasionally forget and everything seems “normal” and then something so contrary to everything I know blows it up.
Something else that has been weird is to realize I have been here a whole three weeks and don’t have 8 volunteer jobs, hundreds of friends, and no free time. Usually by three weeks into a semester I don’t have a moment to breath. Here, though, things move a lot slower. So I am learning to remind myself that three weeks isn’t very long and that I don’t have to do everything. In fact if I tried to do everything I would be doing it for the sake of doing everything and not because I was actually giving anything the time it deserves.
I appreciate you reading this far in my post, despite my political rant. I promise I’m not usually so heavy. Hopefully everything is going well at home 
Love,
Sarah