On My Way

It's the last day! It's so crazy! I'm really sad, actually. Yesterday was great, though. Alainna, Kaliya, Melendy and I went to Njiro and smoked hookah after dinner. We had a really good conversation about a lot of different things, including how we have all grown up so much this semester and how it will be weird to go home. When we got home we watched a movie and then Melendy and I had pillow talk before going to sleep. It was a pretty great last night.

One of the things we talked about yesterday was the wealth/race issues that we have encountered while being here. The two people at the Center who work under Martha (one is in charge of us and one is in charge of the administration side) both essentially asked us for money this week. One of them emailed a few of us and one directly asked Alainna. Basically they want us to sponsor them or find sponsors for them to continue school.

At first I was pissed because I had the feeling that one of them (who I'm not too fond of) was heading in that direction ever since he came to the Center. I don't think someone in an authority position should be asking us for money, both because of the power dynamic where they have control over our grades and experience to some extent, and also because the Center used to be the one place besides our rooms where we didn't have to be 100% on our toes about people looking at us as the wealthy white kids.

It's hard though, because there are like 10 different perspectives that are all pretty valid. At home I take certain jobs or meet certain people for the purpose of making connections and creating more opportunities. And even here, on an individual level it might be the same thing. People need money to go to school so they set themselves up with jobs that will lead them to opportunities. On a large scale, though, so many people perpetuate this relationship of dependency. To give away money enforces the idea that white people will give Africans money.

No one really asks why it is that some people have obscene amounts of money and some people have none. Why is it that I have so much more money only because I was born into this skin and this nationality? All of a sudden I came here and people listen to what I have to say as if Barack Obama himself were giving them advice. Relatively, I'm a little kid. And yet, because I'm white I am treated like a royal voice of authority. They think white people are so nice because they "help" people here.

So when it comes to the people at the Center, it's a really difficult situation. on one level I'm really against them asking us for money. It feels like it reduces us to paychecks yet again, it's hard to say no when you feel like they have power over you, and it doesn't put you on an equal level. At the same time, though, economically we aren't equal. And we know a lot of wealthy people in the States, so it's only natural for them to try and take advantage of the opportunity (just like I probably will ask people for money when I want to do research or something).

How do we work together to address the root causes of the issues without perpetuating a dependent relationship and without disregarding the experiences and needs of individuals? I don't have the answer, but I think that it would be really valuable for someone here to lead a conversation around the issue amongst Arcadia staff and students. I also think I might start a group around it at school (there are a lot of other people who studied in Africa).

Overall, I'm just amazed at how every one of us grew up so much this semester. I'm really proud of the ways that I've been able to conquer my own racism and prejudices (don't judge, it's subconscious until you are forced to look it in the face - if you grew up in the US you can't avoid having had racism ingrained into you on some level). I also feel like we have all gotten really good at things that seem simple but aren't. For instance, dealing with people trying to sell us stuff on the street. I didn't want to be rude in the beginning so I was really, really nice. Honestly, though, it's kind of patronizing to be overly nice to people because you feel bad for them (which, as much as I don't want to admit it, I did in the beginning). Now I'm always nice, but I'm firm, and it's not weird anymore. If you treat people like people then it's a lot easier to be respectful in way that isn't rude or overly nice. Some of my favorite friendships came out of meeting people on the street, and it's sad that I probably won't ever talk to them again.

I'm excited to go home and I'm sad to leave. I'm most excited for being able to go out without having to be on or constantly aware of the fact that I'm white. I will miss people here, though, and I imagine that the learning is only beginning.

See you on the other side...
Sarah