Honeymoon's Over

Hello Everyone! I hope everything is going well at home. I am sitting in the little internet room in the hotel trying to do my homework. Things are at that point here where I am realizing the less appealing aspects of Arusha. Don't worry, I still love it, but there is always a period of having to confront things about a place or yourself before you can really settle down.
I'm finding that you can't really know where someone is coming from until you really know. That doesn't make sense, but so far it seems impossible to just make friends with someone. I know that can't really be true, but I haven't figured this place out. Almost all the men that I have met have proven to be not as friendly as they seem. And I know I sound naive saying that, but it's in a very different way than in the States. Pretty much everyone either wants your money or to sleep with you. It's like manners are really important here so very few people are outright rude or inappropriate, but they kind of get closer and closer to crossing the line but never do. So you both never know whether or not they are creepy or not and you can't tell someone to go away because then you are the rude one. And they are persistent. I made the mistake of giving my phone number to a friend I made and he calls like 5 times a day. And I don't mean they are spread out...I mean that if I don't call back he calls four more times before he gives up. It's not just him, every other person that anyone on my group has given there number to has done that. It's ridiculous!
I think I am more pissed because I go to school and have my gender class where I learn all about how women are treated in different sects of society here, and then I walk home from school and can't take off my white girl costume. At home I can go to class, learn about a lot of upsetting stuff, and then force myself to kind of put it in the back of my mind, but when I'm here I'm really here. And I get hit on so much! People hit on you differently here so I didn't know it at first, but like WTF?! Between that "friend" that calls me 85 times a day, my gender studies class, the guy that shook my hand and did that weird thing where they rub your palm with their index finger (they do it in the States too, it's some weird sexual creeper thing), and the fact that I am ALWAYS the white girl, I pretty much am about to punch the next male that talks to me in the face. OH, and there is this guy that conveniently shows up as we are walking to lunch. He came onto our school grounds the other day and started asking about me/other Sara. Then he came to our hotel and had the front desk call my room! I sent Trevor down and he told him off, but it is just weird. I don't think anyone needs to be worried about my safety, but you may need to be worried about me coming back as a lesbian Women's Studies major. I've started wearing the wedding ring that I brought.
Anyway, sorry about all the complaining. I think that once I get over my weird white guilt, learn how to assert myself, and make some friends who don't want my money then I will be ok. That's the thing though, how do I know if someone wants my money? And how can I blame them? I notice myself kind of judging people by how much money they seem to have and then realize that deep down there is an inkling of avoiding poorer people. I would never do that in the States! But in the States my skin doesn't scream, "I'M RICH." So I think you can see my dilemma. I'm really actually dealing with it fine but I don't really have any other place to bitch about it and that's why I love this blog.
Once I find a place to volunteer and start doing things where I can meet people with common interests and feel like I have a purpose I will be better. I just want to make sure that I don't come to Africa and only hang out with my little group of Americans. They are great though. There is another Sara (without an H), and we hang out a lot and are known on the streets as "the Sarahs".
I really like my classes and even though I don't feel totally grounded here yet, I am 100% secure in my being a Peace Studies major and being on the path I'm on. It's funny though, I came here so excited to walk everywhere so I could have "a new relationship with the place I'm in" and to not have the internet most of the time and to denounce western everything. Honestly though, some days I am just like, "Get me a F***ing car, Facebook that doesn't take 2 hours to load, toilettes that work once in a while, and let me walk down the street listening to my ipod or talking on my phone and ignoring all other human beings around me." And honestly, I usually love the whole "oh Hakuna Mattata let's loiter and hang out and be slow and polite" but let's be honest. I'm from Massachusetts. I was raised in a family that you could describe as blunt but it would be an understatement. I'm mostly joking because I really do love it here, but it's funny that in some ways I am learning the complete opposite things than what I thought I would learn. So I'm not trying to seem like I am complaining, I'm still in love with this place.
Alright, I think I have written enough. I'm sorry for everyone that has emailed me and I haven't emailed back. I usually type this in my room and copy and paste it before class so I haven't had time to really sit and check email, but I will soon I promise! Also, if you send a letter it takes a minimum of three weeks, so plan ahead :) I haven't talked much about the real issues here like the poverty or illnesses, but don't think that's because it isn't all pervasive or because I haven't noticed. It's just one of those things that is going to take a lot longer than a few weeks to process.

I miss you all! Thanks to everyone that has read this far. You should all come visit and I'll show you around.
All my Love,
Sarah